I have encountered a number of odd incidents on the tube and not a week goes by without some notable event. Within the last week or so I travelled alongside a bloke holding a (freshly used) garden strimmer. Coincidentally Karen was in the post office the other day and a man had a pair of shears pointing dangerously out of his ruck sack. It's a dangerous Gardener's World - I confess to having recurring nightmare about being trapped by a pair of Dimmocks.
Back to the tube. Last week I was standing near one of the doors and a girl got on and stood in the centre, not holding on. At one point the train lurched, as they tend to do. I had my head bent forward reading and noticed this hand coming flying just past my face and grabbing on to the pole. To all intents and purposes it seemed to me like she was punching me but just missing although I obviously knew the truth.
I slowly looked up at her with a serious face and she realised how it could have looked. I waved a finger at her and said, aggressively "Don' t start [anything]!". Fortunately she saw the funny side and rewarded me with a lovely smile.
A few days later I hopped on a tube and the doors closed. There were a lot of people standing. The train didn't move. The driver's voice came clearly over the tannoy, an unusual event in itself I guess, and he said: "Ladies and Gentlemen. Pickpockets and Beggars have boarded this train. Please do not encourage these illegal activities. Keep all belongings..." etc. I looked around at some of the other people standing near to me. Some had ignored it but some were clearly taking it all in. The guy nearest to me was wearling a woolly hat pulled tight over his head and a duffle coat. We looked at each other. "It's not you is it?" I asked him accusingly. "Well I suppose I look like it could be me" he said. He then kicked my head in. Actually I made that last bit up. Luckily he too saw the funny side.