tptb dragoon

Advent calendars

Ahh the kids of today, eh? They don't know they're born. When I was a lad we didn't have advent calendars, oh no, we a piece of soggy cardboard and a crayon and we used to write the days til Christmas Day on it as a special treat. My two are looking forward to tomorrow as it's December the first and they can get at the first chocolate hidden cunningly by the number 1 on their advent calendar.

As you can see, the true spirit of Christmas is there with snowmen on snowboards. All the stuff around it is the general weekend accumulation of unnecessary things that fill our lives. The fact that it is there and not tidied away is an indication that Karen is away and I quite like clutter, but more about that another time.

Of course there is a lot to say about Christmas. Here's what Tom Lehrer thought

Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly.
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say when.

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens.
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore.
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense, 'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil.
("Just the thing I need, how nice!")

It doesn't matter how sincere it is,
Nor how heart felt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is the price.

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!

So, let the raucous sleighbells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky.
Don't stand underneath when they fly by.

Potty Time

There are a number of shops appearing around the country which allow you to choose a piece of pottery and then paint them. Stencils are available as are drinks and happy faces. Afterwards they glaze your handiwork and here is some of the finished product:

They're ganging up

This is the sort of thing we hate. Fellow CUP supporters beware! Oxfam are holding a briefing meeting on the Streets of London in preparation for some unwarranted and unwanted impedimententing of the people of England. There should be warnings on breakfast TV about this sort of thing. When they are doing the travel news and giving information about the traffic jams on the M25 and the delays on the Centra Line they should also add details of which streets are being targeted by Pavement Ponies intent on interrupting your daily lives. They should zoom in with their cameras so we can be prepared rather than just turning a corner to discover that they are laying in wait for us.

Photo by Dave S.
Other CUP entries

Hoarey old Frost

I like a good frost and today's was excellent. The endless patterns, the crispness together with the early sun are a splendid combination.

Communication

Over use of email can be a problem but I think it's about time my eldest, Ryan, started getting into it. He's lucky enough to have a computer in his room now and when the wireless card decides it wants to work he can surf and email. He sent me a message with the subject of "Anything." and changed the priority to it's lowest level. The content was asking me to teach him how to do things on the computer and he signed it Love from Ryan [Your best son!] and wrote it in Times New Roman, Italic, point size 36. Wonderful stuff and I was very pleased to get it even though I was sitting just 10 paces away. He's now started mailing his Grandad as well. More power to his elbow.

Big Nosed Ugly Guy

Wel it could be me, some say. There are a few photos of me in some of the entries so you can be the judge. As it happens the real www.bignosedugly.com (BNUG) is in fact another Blogging Brit. I signed up to the web ring primarily to join in the comaraderie of being amongst fellow saddos and, of course, in order to artificially raise my stats. Incidentally that's why I posted that article on Pop Idol.

The Blogging Brits is a webring and, by a bizarre facially enhanced coincedence, there is a link from BNUG to me.

CUPdate

The Campaign for Unobstructed Pedestrianism has been moving along nicely. The Queen has taken up our cause as reported by the BBC. In her Speech she is to introduce the Traffic Management Bill which will give more powers to councils to impose Tough New Laws on control street works. Well done Liz and Thank You! And lets use More Capital Letters whilst we're about it.

Meanwhile the CUP website has been updated to give advice on doorstep sellers and Tube Lurkers.

Another significant victory was scored by yours truly this evening...

There was a ring on the doorbell around 7pm. That's a ring caused by somebody pressing the doorbell button, not a ring actually on the doorbell and nobody actually pressed the doorbell itself. Phew! That's cleared that up. I opened the door to find a doorstep salesman there. My wife Karen doesn't like these people coming round at the best of times but definitely not when it is dark, as it was early this evening.

A guy waved some sort of plasticated badge at me and said he was from NPower. He wanted to know if we had taken advantage of low pricing options on gas and electricity. I said "Yes I have. Hang on." I looked round the hallway for something to sell to him. I spotted one of Nathan's shoes and decided against that. Some leaves had blown in so I picked one up and asked "Do you want to buy this leaf? Just £5". He was completely taken aback. I continued: "As you're selling something I thought I'd take this opportunity to sell you something too". And do you know what he said? "I'm not selling anything.".

Yeah, right. CUP 1 Doorstep Hasslemerchant 0

Oh, by the way, due to some sort of admnistrative cockup, I have not paid for gas for 7 years and therefore anything he offered me, no that he was selling of course, was going to cost me money. I have been in search of gas powered TVs, Washing Machines, Tumble Drieres etc. of course.

The power of 2

This, apparently, is entry 256 which is obviously a favourite number of mine being a bit of numbers geek. More important though is the power of cars versus legs as dramatically demonstrated in this amazing film footage. Its about 1.5Mb long and well worth the download.

Chips with Everything

Lee has not got a chip on his shoulder.

Blown Through

It's nice to have a hobby, unless it's collecting photos of broken umbrellas. However, Monday was a dreary difficult day and this was a highlight. I particularly like the way that something inconsequential, perhaps the cardboard box, has been chained to the lampost. Or perhaps it's the other way round.

Here are some of my other collections.

Jamie Cullum

We went to see

last night at the Royal Festival Hall which is a great venue. He has had an amazing year - last year he was playing for no fee in the foyer and this year he's topping the bill. He's only 21 or so, extremely skilled and versatile on the piano and has a great voice. Naturally, I made some hopeless recordings for your listening pleasure.

Incidentally he was supported by Richard Bona who is a bit like Youssor n Dor (spelling??) and quite electric.

The way to get on Pop Idol

There is a way to get yourself into the last round of entries that not alot of people know about. It is quite cunning, quite legal and quite devious. I expect a lot of aspiring singers are keen to discover the answer and they should simply mail me at grahame at tptb.co.uk to find out.

Bad, really, really bad

He said it, well sung it, not me. I don't think his secret room with photos and posters of half naked young men makes him bad but the Amercian police may have other ideas. Anyway, he has taken one of the more powerful toys in his possession and he's on the run.

Noxious blokes

A trip isn't a trip without a trip to the toilets, don't you agree? The Gents in the Star and Garter, which is about 5 yards from place and serves great beer, has incorrectly got this sign on warning of a "noxious and flammable gas outlet". It should, of course, be on the Ladies Toilet door or Sean the Landlord's mouth. Although it turns out that Sean isn't even the landlord.

Wave, lass, Wave

The water comes up pretty close to the balcony here. The wetness is actually rain although we are still in neap tides and spring tides, as we all know, are bigger and so I am wondering if we're going to get flooded. I'll keep you posted.

The bloke rowing came over and asked me to contribute to the Falmouth Sailors Fund so I edcuated him in CUP and that was that.

Broken down

I have just been to Falmouth again (here's an earlier entry from there - search for more). The development where I stay is very nice with great views etc.. However, parking is difficult sometimes and the people there get very uptight about every minor detail. Take the rubbish area for example. There are 5 different signs telling you what you can and can't do. I put my floded up cardboard boxes in there stacked against a wall and 5 minutes later someone had reorganised them. This chair had also been taken out as it's not in a black (can't be grey) plastic bag. Someone has typed up a sign on it pointing out regulation 12b paragraph 3 "no broken down chairs to be stowed here". I wonder how many weeks it will be left out in the cold by itself. I only hope they thought it was me.

Wig Party

Our firends Durv and Katie came round and we had to try on wigs and eat great curry. Then it was compulsory to drink loads and wear O2 rugby tops and watch England kick their way past France into the Rugby Union World Cup Final. The only thing is, one of them is not wearing a wig.

Autumn Equipment

Well we're having a fantastic autumn. Really spectacular colours mixed in with some good old fashioned high winds which have blown most of the leaves off now. This also means I can get my power shredder, petrol lawn mower and my most recent acquisition this petrol blower and sucker into action. Here is the blower which makes a great sound.

For those of you who are really into this sort of thing, you'll probably enjoy Reader's Sheds.

Minicab offices

Minicab offices are wonderous things. They always have notices telling they drivers what to and what not to do. And they position them so us punters can have a good view of how professionally they run their company. This one is about taxi drivers refusing to go to Sainsbury's. Apparently they normally only go to Waitrose.

Builder's Bum - it's Todd!

I don't pinch other people blog links as I have a very high moral code as you may have noted apart from the profanity, hatred stuff and all the cracked software. This photo was submitted by Dave C and it was sent to him possibly by an Australian. Certainly by someone who knew that the recipients could never work out what the joke was unless they drew a red ring round it so I suspect he must have been Australian.

Disappearing World

I've been playing round with a logo but unfortunately MoveableType insists on rewriting the styles.css file when an entry is added or changed which means it keep sdisappearing - sorry about that.

Meanwhile I have added a couple of random selections on the right hand side for you to play with.

Lily the Pink

Do you remember The Scaffold with their song Lily the Pink? If you're lucky you don't - check out those lyrics. Surely they are incomplete - as is this scaffold. But what are you meant to do about it? You should be able to get signs down your local DIY store saying "Warning: Incomplete DIY" and out them in front of your house or that wonly set of shelves.

Coding fun

I used to be a C programmer. Technically I probably wasn't that good but I coded some reasonable sized systems and made a living out of it as a Director and Shareholder of a small company (Demon Systems Ltd which begat an ISP well known in the UK Demon Internet). As regular readers know, I recently moved this blog onto my own dedicated server and which is complete overkill but a Fun Thing to do. I have been learning a bit of html, FreeBSD, php etc. along the way. Part of the process is to improve the enjoyability of this blog. I know, I know. Its hard to believe isn't it. Just bear with me please...

Alternatively just tell me to SHUT UP in a random way. Each time you click on the link you get a random wav file - there are only seven at the moment so you will get some repeats. All contributions greatly received - mail me grahame at tptb.co.uk. An easy upload method will come later...

Nature at its worst

We have a problem in our area with speeding squirrels, joy-riding cats, car chasing dogs etc. and the London Borough of Barnet, who are very proud of their new image that they spent £10,000s on, have attended to this problem in the following way:

CUP WORKS

The Campaign for Unobstructed Pedestrianism has had its first victory. Amnesty Internationallites and Cancer Researchers have been cleansed of South Molton Street and replace with Street Magicians.

Remember these?

We've all needed these in the past at some point or other.

Knees up Mother Brown

There is nothing like a good sing-song round the piano and the Golden Eagle in Marlyebone Lane is a great place for it on a Thursday or Friday evening. Here is a happy woman, a pianist and a Mark.

Inevitably we went to Bar Italia afterwards:

Fish and Geeks

Or is that Fish and Greeks? This is Mr Christou and he owns a wonderful little fish and chip shop in Marylebone Lane selling, well, wonderful little fish and chips I guess. The food was lovely and the alchohol is BYO (Bring Your Own).

Directions: Go North up Marylebone Lane and pass the Golden Eagle pub onyour left. Don't pass the pub between 9pm and closing on Thursdays and Fridays though as they have a pianist and a sing-song. More of which earlier and later. Go past the pub (except on the above occasions, are you still with me?), and go to the end and turn left (this is still Marylebone Lane) and it's on your left.

Quite what this History blackboard is all about I'm not sure. The Itialians were obviously very successful for many years until the Greeks battered them. Unfortunately they obviously ran out of money and couldn't get the board engraved neatly so Mr Christou apparently did this with a tin of Humbrol paint and a landing net.

Oh and if you quote this blog you get a 15% discount. That's right isn't it?

COTIFALV - Click on the image for a larger version

It's 10:29 now and I said I have this up by 10:33 - service is everything.

CUP is UP

You will recall my mentioning the Campaign for Unobstucted Pedestrianism earlier. Well you will pleased that the movement is gaining momentum now thanks to your support. There is now a href=http://www.tptb.co.uk/cup.htm>Complete Web Page devoted to it. Way to go! Support CUP, chant the mantra, sign up, send money.

Obviously the Obstructors are people who should SHUT UP!

Jason's Amazing Technicolour...

...rug, big scarf or perhaps it is a "wall hanging" as modelled, and made, by Karen.

A new home

Moving home can be a traumatic affair and this is equally so when moving blog. This blog has been hosted on www.funkypancake.com/dragoon since it's inception earlier this year and my sincere thanks go to Dave "The Glove" for encouraging me to get started and for hosting it. His has also given me a lot of help in moving it so more thanks to him.

So why move? Well I have wanted to set up a website for tptb.co.uk for a while and, being a bit of a closet techy, I thought it wuld be interesting to have my own FreeBSD box to play in so that is what I have done. Not without help you understand - this time my thanks go Chris "The Pedicator".

So what changes? First off nothing much but this will give me the opportunity to put the originals of all photos up so you can look at them in more detail. I may try a different blog package or even write my own...although that last suggestion is a little way from being realisable.

The one thing that won't change is the standard of the content. How low can you go?

If you want to run a blog on here you can contact me and I'll probably sort it out in exchange for a beer token or two.

Not an answering machine

One of our friends rang a little after 9 this morning. I answered which often gets the question "What are you doing there?", it being a weekday when they apparently expect me to be "at" work, to which I cunningly answer "I live here.". This morning the caller said "Oh, I didn't want to speak to you I wanted to speak to your answering machine". I know when I'm not wanted. Normally I let Nathan (8) answer the phone and he says hello and who's calling etc. but can't remember the answer when he hands the phone to me.

Cab Drivers - shut up!

Continuing a most favourite theme of People Who Should Shut Up I bring you Minicab and Taxi Drivers as seen earlier. Here are some choice subjects an opinions they proffer:

Driver: "I've 'ad enuff of this country. As soon as I can get enuff money togevver I'm goin' to Spain".

Me: "Are you sure life is much better in Spain?"

Driver: "Urrrrmmm, I dunno, I never really thought about it that way. I know it's 'ot over there and the cab drivers have Mercedes"

or how about

Driver: "'ere, you know anyfing about this share bizness?"

Me: "Yeah well my first tip for you is not to take advice from some drunken bum who has just got in the back of your cab"

Driver: "Oh good", ignoring what I said completely so he can't have been totally stupid, "what's a good price for a share?"

Me, slightly baffled: "Err well it's not the price that counts per se as that just represents the value of the company at that time depending on the number of shares issued. It's that value that is more important."

Driver, faithfully sticking to his plan of ignoring me: "Oh I see...so would would £1.75 be a good price? I think that's a little high? What do you think?"

Me: "I think that with your incredibly poor understanding of such simple concepts you should stick to what you are good at. Or, failing that, cab driving."

Driver: "Personally I think anything less than a quid is good."

All together now, Minicab and Tax Drivers, SHUT UP!

And that bloke who yelled abuse at his chauffer because he parked 20 feet away (thanks for the story Alex) can shut up too.

They are not all bad though. Remember George?

The Long Seat Story

A lot of you have been writing in and asking about the collapsed bench and what happened to it. Well for all you tedious bores out there I popped along to see how it was getting on. No sign of growth yet but at least it's allowing the grass to grow underneath its feet.

Ray

Tuesday night is beer night and this week was a good one as we returned to the Fuller's Ale Lodge after 4 to 5 weeks at the Running Horse. They were so pleased to see us which was nice. It might have been down to the £100 bar bill I didn't pay last time though. Ray is one of the reasons why we came back - he's a ood barman and a nice bloke.
This is Ray

Real Autumn

It's finally here. The lack of rain has, apparently, kept the leaves on the trees longer and they have turned more beautiful with each day. Yesterday morning was a wind and rain swept turmoil as you may be able to see from this shot taken through my window. Glorious weathe especially as it means I can't reasonably expected to go into the garden and pick up leaves.

It's War!

I am not a great fan of war and the reasons that they are caused by are an emotive subject. However, there is no denying they have happened or are happening. I mean we went to war with Iraq apparently to get rid of those invisible weapons of mass destruction then that Tony Bliar added the word "Programme" and said we were looking for that. And oh it was really for humanitarian grounds in fact. So that's OK, you just stand there while I shoot you and I will justify my actions later. Moving swiftly on...

Here's a good thing to try: Go to google and type in "french military victories" and then press "I'm feeling lucky". That's about right.

The Imperial War Museum is fab. Here are my two Likely Lads standing besides a 15 inch shell that goes in these 50 foot cannons that were in service 90 years ago.

There was plenty more to see...

I love this shot through sign which says "DO NOT STAND ABOUT HERE. Even if you are not hit somebody else will be".

However cunning our Cabinet Office were during WW1 and WW2, their techniques have not been passed down to the janitors. This piece of semtex razor duct tape didn't worry me - I easily urinated over the top of it. Now, if it had a sign that said No Man's Land that would have been different.

The Spitfire! It's the perfect plane. Glorious!

And it gets better. We can club together and buy one.