tptb dragoon

Lost Consonants

I got a an email from the accounts department of a company, who shall not remain nameless as it was COLT, and I read part of it as "We have had problems due to a number of new farces in the accounts department". In fact there was no 'r' in farce but there definitely should have been.

There used to be a cartoon called Lost Consonants in one of the Sunday Magazines and I used to find it fairly amusing. In fact there are a lot of opportunities waiting to be found.

For instance I was thinking about this when passing a sweetshop that said they had a great choice. I was thinking about having a great choc-ice at the time.

Photos

I took some pictures earlier of frost and we've just had another cracking one. Click on it for a larger version.

and here are some flowers, just to show you what a nice cuddly wholesome bloke I really am.

Dead Grass

My thanks to John for this guest entry. Whilst on the train the other day he showed me an article about a forthcoming concert by Motorhead at Covent Garden. The article quoted Lemmy, if I recall correctly, saying that if Motorhead moved in next door to you, they're so loud that your grass would die.

This is interesting, not in the least because I don't think they moved in to number 6 last year but my neighbour's grass certainly looked dead for most of the summer.

The review of their concert has another great quote "The wonderful thing about Motorhead is how quiet it is when they stop.". Apparently they gave free earplugs out at the concert. And some people want to ban boxing as it's dangerous. Pah!

Life Through a Visor

The boys tried fencing when we were away and I tried the visor on:

I quite like blurred reality - without the influence of drink or drugs.

Chocolate Dreams

I like a nice flake and this chocolate drink with a flake on top was delicious. Of course, if you designed a chocolate that fell to bits so easily you would be laughed at. Maybe it was a happy accident?

Frozen Saddles

We've just been to Center Parcs which means lots of outdoor actvities, sport etc. You can get around on foot but cycling is more fun. One evening we cyceld to the centre to watch Love Actually - a very funny film. It was cold when we got there and I noticed frost appearing on the saddles of the bikes already there.

Whilst waiting for the film to start we were chatting to a woman I had met earlier in the day. I mentioned that there was a nip in the air and she said that she had forgotten to put her plastic bag on. "Madam, I don't care to know the intimate nature of your undergarments" was my, quite natural, response. Maybe it was incontinence. Karen tells me people put bags on their saddles to keep the rain and frost off but that can't be right can it?

Take that back

My previous entry talked about the joys of rail travel. Well I'll just take that back as the journey back was shite.

New Stations

I had to get up early and travel from a small station called Thetford this morning. At 7am there was little traffic, good signage and plenty of free parking. Wonderful. I bought a ticket and boarded the train, sitting near a door above which was the destination display. For some reason, it gave its first stop as Flu. It took me a little while to realise that I couldn't see the lower part of the display and it said Ely.

I caught 4 trains to arrive at my destination and it was all smooth and easy. Of course it's Half Term and so the roads are quieter and travel in general is probably easier than usual. However, it certainly appeals to travel this way although I have yet to do the return journey.

One downside was the first class travel of the main train. Its smallness of carriage, a problem for some people I believe, wasn't a problem but you normally get free tea and biscuits and can buy bacon butties etc. Not so on this journey. There was a rather sad looking trolley being jostled around by a rather sad looking attendant. I brightly asked for a cup of tea and he bought me two small cartons of "milk", a stirrer and some paper towels. 95p. I only had 80p or a £10 so he grudgingly took the small change as he had none himself. Of course why would he? He had only just started and he wouldn't be armed with any...

Well, its all not important. However, the actual cup of tea would have been good if he had left it for me - I had to chase him down the corridor to ask for it. Ruined his day I think.

Names

What's in a name? I was running a project to connect up a £1.5m piece of kit and they, the supplier on the other side of the desk, said I should allocate a name to the connection. I suggested Simon. I think they were expecting something more geeklike such as K9R2D2/FXNUTS. I don't know any Simons although I used to so it was nice to think I had another Simon in my life.

I bring you this nugget of useless and mindless nonsense because a) that is what I do b) that is why you come here, if not then what are you doing?? and c) I notice that Fujitsu have kindly given the battery in my laptop a name: CP147685-XX / CP147686-XX. It's nice to a have an alternative name just in case you forget the first. Me, I prefer more personal, firstname terms so I think I shall refer to the battery simply as CP. I only hope nearby batteries don't get confused.

Labels

I don't think it's right to label people. However, if they want to do it themselves then that's up to them.

The Crows are Circling

There are about 30 crows in the nearby trees this morning and they don't half make a racket. It's a really horrible cawing sound and I have to say that I was very pleased when they stopped.

Aussie bike

Anticipation, Suspense, Action

Don't you just love anticipation? If not, then wait till you have read this. Oh sorry, you probably don't want to wait. Hey, don't click away now... Oh well.

I have been trying to work out if my blog would get less hits if I did nothing, or did more. As it happens my posting rate has dropped off recently but my hits have increased. Weird. Google stopped its crawling around my web bits for a while as well but it's back as well.

I notice some of the guys I work with have been trying this experiment. They have been doing less and less, barely breathing in fact let alone turning up for work. And the amazing thing is that their productivity has improved! At least, they make fewer mistakes.

You and Me

You know, getting from A to B is mostly tedious. Regular journeys filled with familiar surroundings which we mostly ignore. However you can find your time enlivened with little moments of magic. Here are 3 from the last few days:

1. Whilst walking in the entrance vestibule to London Bridge station, a shoe came hurtling past me and stopped. It was one of those backless, slip-on varieties owned by the dutch or something like that. Not a clog, but probably expensive anyway and it makes the foot look cold. The owner, a 6 foot plus bloke was not far behind it. He slipped it on without bending down and carried on..almost as if he deliberately did it. Just his way of getting through the day.

2. A lady next to me had a tabloid edition of The Times. This is a relatively new idea, just available to Londoners I think. It is meant to be easier to read and handle. You would be forgiven for thinking so though. Wrestling. That's the word. It looked like a screwed up hanky. She folded it this way, then that. Then, with great effort, she tried to fold it over "neatly". I was tempted to ask if she was any good at wrapping presents.

3. I was standing in the part of the carriage by the doors and we arrived at a stop. A seat came free in the middle and this lanky guy rushed to get it. Coming at him from the opposite direction was a much less fleet of foot guy. It was an easy victory for lanky guy. But no. Rather than make it look easy and casual, he tripped on the pointy shoe of the nearest girl, did a 270 degree spin across her lap and landed heavily in the seat, smacking into the girl on the other side. 5.6 with a difficulty of 3.4.

Go on, guess

I bought Karen this birthday card. It's blurred as a) I was too close when I took the shot and b) I obviuosly didn't want to spoil the surprise if Karen actually read this. I bought it in Selfridges which serves me right of course.

Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely card. But I didn't notice the price until I went to pay for it.

£4.50. Four pounds and bloody fifty pee. I ask you.

Getting My Own Back

Or should that be getting my own boat? As you may have seen, Karen bought me an odd magazine a few days ago. It's her birthday tomorrow (I don't think she'll read this ;-)) and so far I have just bought her this nice magazine.

As I want to buy myself a dinghy I might see if I can borrow it from her when she's finished with it (like just after she's unwrapped it).

Insurance is Hell?

I hate Northern Rock plc. Well why not? You don't have to be rational about these things but as it is, I am and they suck. Just take my word for it. Anyway, they have sent me an annual mortgage statement. The "Subject" line of the letter is

Paying too much for your Home Insurance - why not give us a call?

Well, first off, because I don't like you and secondly, they add: "There's nothing worse than paying too much for your Insurance". What a load of rubbish, I can't think of lots of things worse. Like having a mortgage with Northern Rock for instance.

Have I Got News For You?

If you have watched that program, you'll know that they have guest publications which consist of obscure magazines from which they take article headlines. My wife bought me the following one. For a laugh. We obviously don't get many laughs round our way it seems.

The clue as to what the magazine is all about, is in the name of course. Now, we would probably pronounce this word as "roota" but the Americans, god bless 'em, say "rowter" i.e. "row" as in the argument. In fact we, in this instance, pronounce it the same way.

See if you can guess what it's actually about then click on the link for more... Goodness me, this is fun isn't it?

And the answer is...

And no, I don't own a router.

It's a knockout

You''ve all heard of Google. Well now there is the adult only version Booble. It's got its knockers but, hey, that's probably why people visit it.

Hutton is a Hero

That is not a headline you are likely to see currently, but I ask you to pause for a moment and consider the following:

Hutton is a judge. Judges support Governments and loathe journalists. It should, therefore, come as no surprise that his report into the Dr Kelly death was biased heavily towards the Blair Government. A whitewash in fact. The Independent newspaper had a glorious front page which was 90% white paper highlighting this.

The problem that most of us have with this is that we know certain facts:

1. The Government puts spin on it's actions
2. At the centre of this affair is the Government's ex spinmeister extraordinaire, Alistair Campbell
3. The Government are far from blameless and have not come up with a reason why they went to war on a false premise. The dossier was sexed up - it was spin.

So that leaves Lord Hutton in a difficult situation. And he has come up with a master plan! He has produced a document so thick with whitewash that it is not credible. Therefore, all right minded people have dismissed it as such. Wonderful! He has stayed loyal to his roots, he knows his position in The System, and yet he has masterfully turned the tables and remained, apparently, faithful and loyal to all.

According to DIY experts, when putting on whitewash you have to put it on quite thinly for it to have a lasting effect. Lavish it on too thickly and it very quickly starts to flake off revealing the original mess and leaving things looking far worse than if they had not been touched.

A round of applause, if you please, for Lord Hutton.