tptb dragoon

Free coffee

As I exited from Oxford Circus tube station this morning I was offered a ticket for a free cup of coffee. Now I am not a fan of being accosted in the street as you can see from my Campaign for Unaccosted Pedestrianism, or CUP for short, but I think a bit of two-faced hypocriticalness never hurt anybody and so I took the ticket rather than barge the profferer to the ground.

Sadly, it was from McDonalds. Now, I have nothing against old Ronald McD (well not at the time of writing but I'm so fickle that that could change quickly) but he may know about putting on make-up and looking a pratt but he doesn't know anything about coffee. And yes I do think there are too many Starbucks and Costa Jobbies around and I was very pleased to see one close and get replaced by a shirt shop where I bought a very nice shirt that lasts longer than the 30 cups of coffee it cost...but, at least they do know how to make nice, real coffee.

What a let down for Monday morning.

Don't be fooled

These innocent looking people are nothing of the kind. They are vicious street hastlers who want to interrupt your daily lives. Join CUP and stamp this sort of vermin out.

CUP hits the TV

Did you see Room 101 yesterday evening. Hosted by Paul Merton with his guest Ross Noble. Ross has apparently joined CUP but I wouldn't know as I still haven't got a sign up script. His particular angle was clipboards which was especially appropriate as Paul Merton was sitting there with one at the time.

Ross is right though. People with cliboards are officious and overbearing: "Excuse me, can you spare me two minutes of your time to help Shelter - the Charity for the Homeless" with the implied "You'd better you proletarian bastard or you will rot in hell" simply left unsaid. They then tick off varous things and umm and nod and shake their heads. If this happens to you, and it shouldn't as you should have quoted the CUP mantra and moved on, then grab the clipboard and see what they are writing down. Then ask them some personal questions like "How much did you give to charity last Tuesday, what's the average velocity of a swallow (African or European - I really don't mind), do you like Busted" and see how they like it.

Send 20% of any money they donate to you to CUP.

They're ganging up

This is the sort of thing we hate. Fellow CUP supporters beware! Oxfam are holding a briefing meeting on the Streets of London in preparation for some unwarranted and unwanted impedimententing of the people of England. There should be warnings on breakfast TV about this sort of thing. When they are doing the travel news and giving information about the traffic jams on the M25 and the delays on the Centra Line they should also add details of which streets are being targeted by Pavement Ponies intent on interrupting your daily lives. They should zoom in with their cameras so we can be prepared rather than just turning a corner to discover that they are laying in wait for us.

Photo by Dave S.
Other CUP entries

CUPdate

The Campaign for Unobstructed Pedestrianism has been moving along nicely. The Queen has taken up our cause as reported by the BBC. In her Speech she is to introduce the Traffic Management Bill which will give more powers to councils to impose Tough New Laws on control street works. Well done Liz and Thank You! And lets use More Capital Letters whilst we're about it.

Meanwhile the CUP website has been updated to give advice on doorstep sellers and Tube Lurkers.

Another significant victory was scored by yours truly this evening...

There was a ring on the doorbell around 7pm. That's a ring caused by somebody pressing the doorbell button, not a ring actually on the doorbell and nobody actually pressed the doorbell itself. Phew! That's cleared that up. I opened the door to find a doorstep salesman there. My wife Karen doesn't like these people coming round at the best of times but definitely not when it is dark, as it was early this evening.

A guy waved some sort of plasticated badge at me and said he was from NPower. He wanted to know if we had taken advantage of low pricing options on gas and electricity. I said "Yes I have. Hang on." I looked round the hallway for something to sell to him. I spotted one of Nathan's shoes and decided against that. Some leaves had blown in so I picked one up and asked "Do you want to buy this leaf? Just £5". He was completely taken aback. I continued: "As you're selling something I thought I'd take this opportunity to sell you something too". And do you know what he said? "I'm not selling anything.".

Yeah, right. CUP 1 Doorstep Hasslemerchant 0

Oh, by the way, due to some sort of admnistrative cockup, I have not paid for gas for 7 years and therefore anything he offered me, no that he was selling of course, was going to cost me money. I have been in search of gas powered TVs, Washing Machines, Tumble Drieres etc. of course.

Wave, lass, Wave

The water comes up pretty close to the balcony here. The wetness is actually rain although we are still in neap tides and spring tides, as we all know, are bigger and so I am wondering if we're going to get flooded. I'll keep you posted.

The bloke rowing came over and asked me to contribute to the Falmouth Sailors Fund so I edcuated him in CUP and that was that.

CUP WORKS

The Campaign for Unobstructed Pedestrianism has had its first victory. Amnesty Internationallites and Cancer Researchers have been cleansed of South Molton Street and replace with Street Magicians.