tptb dragoon

A christmas play

We've all just been to see a most odd production of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea at the Princess Theatre in Falmouth. It was performed by The Miracle Theatre Company who are a professional touring group. It wasn't a panto or a play or any sort of coherent set of scenes or themes.

They threw sweets to the audience and did a fair bit of slapstick so there was something for the children. But they also threw in some adult jokes including one about gonorrhea and one about pornography. Then they added some "Capitalism is Bad" and "Green is Good" and some anti-EU fishing policy messages.

But the highlight was the inflatable sex-toy doll dressed in a mini-skirt with her back to the audience. Mixed messages?

TreeTime

We're back down in Cornwall for Christmas again which gives us the chance to get a real tree instead of that fake one we have at home. As a kid we only had an artificial one which deterioated with age. In fact the most relaitsic aspect of the tree is that bits molted off of it regularly.

Until now I hadn't even come across this red trumpet machine which nets the tree up neatly once you have chosen it. Nathan asked to be bagged up as well and started climbing in which the guy operating it was happy to do but unfortunately I stopped the fun.

Happiness is

Playing with 6 lane Scalextric. Of course, having done this, we had to get our own set out when we got home.

Cat Revisited

We got our little cat a few months ago and she has quickly grown up and is in charge of the cat-flap, pooing in the alleyway and waking me up at 4am all of which she does very, very well. Being smokey grey I seem to find it difficult to get a good shot of her so this will have to do for now.

She is, like a lot of annoying women, utterly adorable.

Cordless Phones

Cordless phones are common in homes these days and very useful. Especially when you have long conversations. I find myself wandering around the house, maybe looking in a mirror, playing a couple of notes on the piano etc. Paying attention to the caller all of the time, of course, you understand.

Tonight my brother, Barry, called. We don't speak much on the phone but tonight's call was 59 minutes. After about 25 minutes I was thinking about turning my bike round. Doing number twos. Having a pony. You get my drift? After about 40 minutes I gave up an "silently" did the deed. Afterwards, with the phone mostly tucked under my chin, I said "Hang on, I'm going to flush the toilet now" to which Barry replied "Have you just had a crap?". I confessed that indeed I had soiled the conversation by so doing. He continued "Only, I had one about 15 minutes ago when we were talking about....".

Oh Brother.

First Day Cover

No, not the stamp collecting thing but Ryan's first day at secondary school. Notice the happy mother, the sloppy grin, the sleeves too long, the tie not well done etc. I drove Ryan to the school and it's an awesome experience for him but he seems to be handling it very well. The car park, such as it is because most people park on the grass, was awash with immaculately clean massive off-road vehicles driven by label wearing doting mothers. The sun shone and everybody was smiling but I am not sure who was more nervous when I dropped Ryan off at his form classroom.

Coffee Table

What's under your coffee table? My Mum has a copy of a Millennium village fare program, a Jan 2003 copy of Hello and a March 2002 copy of OK! magazine. Nice to have something to browse through I guess.

Holiday Snaps

Most people take photos when on holiday and for me this is a classic. We come here to Cornwall whenever we can and the usual thing people say is "I hope the weather stays fine" or "I hope you don't get too wet". The Great British Summer is underrated as far as I am concerned.

Take the past three days for instance. Each started with fairly heavy rain. On the first day I was running when the heavens opened and I got soaked. We spent the morning playing scrabble, ten-pin bowling etc. and the afternoon on the beach.

The second day we drove to Padstow and hired some bikes. It was spitting as we left the hire centre but we rode 22 miles (and Nathan is only 9 years old!) and it was a glorious day.

And yesterday I had planned to launch my boat but the rain came and so we played Simpsons Monopoly for an hour until it cleared. Then we got going and here is the result: A little beach that can only easily be reached by boat, the sun, the family and you can just make out the ducks. The smiling faces tell the rest of the story. That's my holiday snap!

Absence

Ryan has gone off to Switzerland for 10 days with the Scouts. I think that's a big trip for a small boy. He arrived after a car, flight, train and mini-bus journey and they set up their tents, had some food and went to bed. The Scout Leader called us and said that Ryan was a bit quiet and miserable but we we said we woud leave it to the next day before speaking to him.

He rang at lunchtime and said they'd been abseiling down some rocks in the pouring rain and he was in high spirits. I told him I was missing him and he said "Yeahhhh? Right." assuming I was kidding. Which of course was quite astute as Nathan and I get much more time on the playstation when Ryan is away.

Stage Struck

Nathan is quite a shy lad so it was really good for him that he got involved with a drama group. So, we went to to see the culmination of many months of effort which was put on at a good sized local theatre. It was pretty dire at times to be honest but some of the budding stars were very good and we enjoyed it all immensely.

Nathan did his stuff and, when the lights went down, he and his mates walked off stage. It was especially good though, as he and his friends were wearing their "light-up" trainers so at each step little red lights were flashing around their feet. It'll never catch on.

Luckily, I set up the sophisticated sound equipment (ie pressed the button on my camera) and once again can bring you a truly awful sound recording which will make you think you were really there.

Evidence

I mentioned a Sunday Carvery last month and some doubted me. Well here's the evidence with me at the top left and the finished article bottom right. My main contribution was beer for the guy organising it but I also did the fish you can possibly just make out on the top right picture.

Colour by Numbers

We popped down to the local festival yesterday to have a go on the dodgems, eat awful hot dogs and avoid the scary rides. Possibly the best attraction was Colourscape with their air-filled octovoids which were lit up by the late afternoon sun.

Here are some, original and not colour retouched, pics:

Click for more pics...

The Answer is Fire

I spent most of the day yesterday with Nathan on a cu day our to Phasels Wood near Kings Langley. These are great fun, unless it rains hard for protracted lengths which it forutnately didn't, quite hard work for soft as shite people like me. Karen found my much missed pedometer and it told me I walked 5 miles yesterday. That's not a great deal but it was very tiring nonetheless.

The day starts with Akela, or Arkela or AhrrKayla (if you're Cilla) talking to the cubs.

Then we built fires, shelters, went on a hike, and went on sleds. It's only imple thing but we drank the tea that we made from the heating the water on the fire and ate the potatoes (with egg), bananas, dough twists that we cooked. Additionally, when the rain did come down a little harder actually used the shelters we had made and they worked.

Of course the real point of going on these days is not to spend quality time with your offspring whilst selflessly helping the admirable efforts of the cubs and scout organisers but in fact to what we Dads love to do - light fires. When I was a kid we had regular bonfires which makes me wonder what we found to burn so regularly. We used parrafin to help things along and our eyes streamed from the smoke. The real challenge is to light the thing in the first place of course without resorting to artificial fuel, running boy scouts together instead of sticks or, as I did, pinching a nicely burning log from someone else's fire. When you are tending a fire you forget the whole world. Everything. Even common sense like don't pick up things with your bare hands if they are in the fire.

I think we should have a fire everyweek, outdoors real fires not homey ones in the fireplace. When you look into the flames you will find answers. Like Ronald Regan and Mikhail Gorbachev did on that Spitting Image sketch when it's just the two of them with large brandies sitting in front of a huge fire. Mikhail: "You know, Ronnie? When I look into the flames I see the dawn of a new era. A time of great lasting peace between our two nations. A time of co-operation and safety for out contrymen and their children. What do you see?" Ronnie replies: "Well, I see a little doggie, running across a field..."

Whatever you see, enjoy.

In Loving Memory

Jamil was 8. He was born 6 days later than my son Nathan. They sat at the same table in school and were good schoolboy friends. Jamil was killed in a road accident and the funeral was yesterday. I find it hard to cope in these situations and my weeping at the burial probably didn't help Nathan who then wept uncontrollably. Looking at Jamil's father I felt helpless, distressed. Jamil's mother follows the Islam faith and had amazing courage and control even able to come and console Nathan with her son just recently buried a few minutes earlier.

Unlike Christian burials I have been to, the pall bearers and close mourners, all men, fill the grave using shovels, spades and their hands to move the earth on top of the coffin. Then the rest of us, and there was a huge congregation, moved closer to lay flowers and speak a few words if we felt able.

We all have to come to terms with death and must be strong as well as grieving. My heart goes out to Jamil and Jamil's family. They showed tremendous courage and are blessed with each other's support as well support from the community. May their pain be brief and their happy memories long.

Sunday Carvery

We went to see my sister-in-law in Clifton and she lives on a lovely square with nice gardens which, pleasingly, are open to the public and not just the residents. With no real plan for the weekend, we arrived at lunch time and looked out across the square to see a tree that had been subject to some chainsaw massacring and left in the form of, well, a phallus with a boil or something.

Sadly, I have to confess at this satge to leaving my camera at home so no pics :-(

We could hear some tapping noices and see a few people in the gardens and so I asked the boys if they wanted to go down and take a look. No way, they weren't interested. So we took a look anyway, of course, and it turns out they were turning a dead tree into this, errm, shape and building a big seat etc. round the base. All were invited to add our carvings preferably taking the form of something other than usually seen carved on tree trunks. We said we'd stop for 15 minutes or so.

The jist of this is that we spent about 4 hours there. We then drove over to another part of Bristol to see someone else and spend the night there. In the morning we got up slowly and decided to come back to Clifton to pick up some things and then drive to Weston Super Mare. We called in on the tree party still at it with their gougers and said we were just staying 10 minutes. 4 hours more and we left. It's was wonderful. A simple community experience making friends, enjoying the sunshine and smiling. Incidentally it was sponsored by one of the neighbours whihc was very generous of her.

We have a big tree stump in our garden so that is going to get "the treatment" if the boys' momentum keeps up!

The Things They Say

Karen, calling downstairs: Nathan, can you come and get dressed please?

Nathan: I can't. I can't open the garlic sausage.

Yep, makes sense.

Edukashun

You may recall that one of my sons got a certificate for just turning up to school. Well the other one, Ryan, has just finished his SATs test at age 11. He's been tutored for a couple of years and he's probably moderately bright so he found the tests quite easy. In fact, as they get play time and fun things to do afterwards and no homework he declared that he prefers test weeks to normal school weeks.

SATs are stressful for the children and teachers, and perhaps a little for the parents, and the well intentioned teachers decided to present a certificate to all children who took the test. Personally I think this is over the top. However, what I think is disgraceful is the spelling! In 12 words they managed to spell one of them wrong (and i's in the title!) and also stick an erroneous apostrophe in. They did this before with a first aid certificate.

The Things Kids Say

I drove Ryan to Scouts this evening. He has been to cubs for a few years but he finds the prospect of something new a little daunting. (Like tidying his room or washing the car!!). There were a lot of people milling about and a single car's width entrance/ecit to the small car park. So I said I would drive on, turn round and park and let him out on the right side of the road. He wanted me to take him straight in but eventually he seemed OK about it.

I pulled in and he said "It's OK Dad. I don't need you". "Good lad" I replied. "But I do need the toilet." Ah well I know my place in life at least.

DIY

I do a bit of DIY from time to time. I'm OK at some jobs but not others. Know your limits. I borrowed some rodding rod jobbies (you know, sewer rods) from a friend to clear a blocked drain. I like to look after things I borrowed so I carefully washed all the brown crap(!) off them and returned them to my mate in their orginal blue colour. "Oh, I'd forgotten they were blue" he said. I made a mental note to pay attention to how things are given to me in the first place...

Today, I popped into B&Q. There's always something to take your mind off things like looking at fashion statements such as shell suits and shoes or listening to arguments about types of paint. This time, a young assistant was helping a woman choose various decorating items and was obviously getting tired of the process. I had just selected some sugar soap and she arrived and asked him which she should choose. He waved at the range of pre-mixed triply expensive shelf and said "they're all the same". So she picked one at random and asked how she should apply it. "The instructions are on the bottle" came the helpful reply. I must say that the staff there are normally much more helpful than that.

I asked a different assistant where the glue was and was instantly told Ailse 3 down on the left. I went there and immiediately spotted the glue I required. I grabbed a tube and looked at the label to check. The very nice Frenchman standing next to me said "Do you know about glue?". Was he questioning my choice? Was he about to advise on the best glue for inhaling? No, he just wanted advice on wood glue - which I gladly gave. What a nice conversation. You see - DIY can be fun. Actually, I have just spent 2 hours sugar-soaping a ceiling and that isn't so fun.

Grains of Wisdoms

It was a very windy day and squally rain and so on and we found ourselves on the beach. The kids, in the background, were chasing waves. Durvin, in the foreground, decided to build a small dam against the incoming tide with his bare hands. His hands turned blue.

I used to build dams on the beach at Swanage when I was a kid. There would be 10 to 20 kids all trying to stop the incessant flow of sewage coming out of a big pipe in the sea wall. Pointless but fun if you are a kid. And possibly health endangering. But that is no excuse for Durvin.

A Trip to the Doctor

I went to the Doctor the other day. If you want to know why click here. The NHS wait doesn't always apply to my GP. Last time I went I was seen within a few minutes but as I go less than once a year maybe that is not representative. After 50 minutes I was asked to go and see Dr Beatus.

Dr Beatus is a slightly blubbery Israeli with a Welsh accent, a skull cap and dodgy skin. He's a nice bloke and whilst diagnosing my interesting ailment he decided he would try and show me a diagram of it. So he called up Internet Explorer and went to Google Images.

Now, in my day job, I have had customers complain of the sort images you can get on Google even when you type in something innocuous such as "hamster". So when he was looking up my part of the body I watched with some interest. The pictures were ok but he was incapable of wading through the pop-up advertisements and gave up.

Whilst taking my blood pressure he asked me what sort of business I was in. I confessed - Internet access. First off he was embarrassed but he soon got over that and enquired about contention ratios and should he move up to a 2Mb connection etc.

Anyway, the NHS is free so some info from me seems like a fair swap.

Bowl Me Over

We went bowling which normally includes 1 boy so disinterested and walking away before his bowl even reaches the skittles, one bowl hitting the bar because it was bowled too early, several boys jumping up and down and falling on the floor, one near miss with a dropped bowling ball, lots of noise, a fight to get away from the arcade, a visit to the Pizza Restaurant to have some food and draw and the table cloth (and pull some daft faces) etc.

This is the first picture of Nathan with specs. Poor bugger. He likes them though which is good. He is has a Good Attitude and long may it last.

One Year On

No, I'm not referring to the war but Ryan's birthday. It was his birthday 1 year ago and it is again today. What a coincidence! He's 11 and he got a couple of playstation games, lego bionicle, bey blade magnacore arena (what's that?), beginner's french CDRom (boy was he pleased with this) and The Lord of The Rings Risk board game. Did you play Risk as a kid? I've still got ours in a cupboard. I recall playing with loads of other people and taking all weekend playing it. Fantastic.

Other childhood games included that golf thing which was a little man on the end of a stick and he swung a club that hit small polystrene balls. We used to play it all over the house. The green was a bit of curly foam and you had to substitute the ball for a small glass marble when you reached it. Bunkers were made of plastic. We used to introduce water hazards and other hazards such as the stairs.

Now I just need to get Ryan off the Playstation so that I can beat him at, errm teach him how to play Risk...

Go on, guess

I bought Karen this birthday card. It's blurred as a) I was too close when I took the shot and b) I obviuosly didn't want to spoil the surprise if Karen actually read this. I bought it in Selfridges which serves me right of course.

Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely card. But I didn't notice the price until I went to pay for it.

£4.50. Four pounds and bloody fifty pee. I ask you.

Roundabouts are Magic

I always thought there was something fishy about the Magic Roundabout kids program. I liked Dylan but Zebedee was a faschist. And it was French.

Museum Magic

The National Maritime Museum is really cool. Unlike some museums you are not overwehlemed with information, there is loads of space and interactive exhibits, and you are actually allowed to touch things. Oh and you walk there from here via the fish and chip shop.

Nathan kept saying "Wow" and his face tells it all.

Let it snow

Back home in Barnet, apparently, it's snowing. Nothing major but just a little bit of snow. When I told Nathan he said it wasn't fair. I can see his point of view. Personally though I'd settle for this - taken this morning. It's like a cover off a jigsaw box. Click on it for the full original version.

Beached

We went off for a quick walk to the beach and around. There was a sole surfer who appeared to have just got his gear for Christmas. Our boys specialised in running away from waves...

...which required a pitstop.

This was followed by dusk descending rapidly along with thunder, lightning and a hailstorm. There's a lot of weather down here.

A Xmas Romp

We went on a walk today which was the same as earlier this month - see this entry and subsequent ones. It started off with the ferry as usual and a special mention for ChriSteve whoever they are

I took quite a photos this time including chains, shoes and cow pats...

From the ferry we could see our place (down the bottom with the white railings)

I noticed that Derek wasn't entering into the spirit of things with these brown leatehr brogues. Hardly wellies or walking boots. He only fell over the once.

At least the signs were clear.

The scenery was good


There were some lovely textures (some even in focus) especially if you like cow pats



Of course there was the odd sign or two

The following sign was obviously referring to low flying swans

And the family seems to enjoy it too

The end. Thank you for viewing.

Home Assembly

I have done a lot of home assembly of furniture this year so it was nice to leave some of it in the hands of my Father-In-Law, Derek, and Ryan. Being an experienced tool worker and quite bright meant that the job was quite trivial for Ryan.

Erika (sister-in-law) "helped" as well.

Xmas Holiday

Well we've arrived in Falmouth. We had a good journey down and Ryan only decided to throw up about 5 minutes from our destination which was decent of him. We had a lot of trouble with getting our furniture delivered but it's here. OK the settee is the wrong L shape and the coffee table has a 3 inch hole smashed in the top but I'm not being picky.

We went out a got a Xmas tree which is my first ever real one. I had to carry the iron base all through the centre of Falmouth and the boys helped me get the tree from the square. All good gun and you can see wer'e almost set now: I have my laptop, the tree's up and Ryan is playing The Simpson's Hit and Run which is a great game.

Awards

School encourage the children in all sorts of little ways with certificates and awards. Nathan just got one for turning up. "Excellent attendance". My kids are obviously high fliers.

Zapp!

I went to Quasar, a laser shooting game, with the cubs and scouts yesterday. It's terrific fun and easy to get totally into it. nathan, centre, is one of the smallest and youngest but managed to be TopGun on our team. I then took them to a party to celebrate. Don't tell their Mum!

A Visit to the Dentist

I am not a great fan of the dentist. In fact there was a gap of about 12 years or so between visits until a couple of years ago when a giant filling fell out. Karen is a very nervous patient as well but plucked up courage to go and found a nervous patient-friendly dentist so I chose to go there. They can be really irritating though. Here's what they do:

My last appointment was a year ago and I booked an annual checkup for this December. They have changed it twice during the year. They rang my mobile twice, my home once and sent me a letter reminding me about the appointment. They have changed their name to "The Perfect Smile" - cringe.

They have kept me waiting quite a while which is always a wind-up of course but it's even worse when you are scared. This time I took a book and sat down...and was seen within a minute. The dentist prodded around, took two unnecessary xrays (he took the same ones last time) and tried to sell me £5,000 of work that I rejected a year ago. I was only in there a few minutes - definitely less than 10 minutes. And the charge? £45.

So, I have to book a year ahead and I say "You're not allowed to change it more than 4 times." They get the joke. "They" is Kat. Kat Woman is how Karen refers to her. She thinks she is so efficient but she is so wrong. Then she offers me a glass of wine. It's getting near Xmas I guess but it's only 9:40am. So I do the polite thing and say "OK Thank you. That would be very nice". "Red or White?" "Red please" "Oh good - I don't think we have got any white. Urrm Caroline can you open that bottle of red - I'm no good with corks". "You aught to practice more" I say. "Oh I am vary good at pouring and swallowing" Kat says with a straight face. Kat is about 30, slim, long dark hair. Probably a 2 pint job. I like to be agrreable, or leastways to agree, so I reply "I bet you are". Not a flicker.

So I sit down and have my plastic tumbler of red wine which was very nice. Read my book for 10 minutes and take my leave. "Don't tell Karen" Kat warns, "She'll have my guts for garters". "An interesting concept I respond and we do th emutual Merry Christmas bit and I leave and laugh and laugh all the way home at the bizarreness of it all.

The moral is you should go to your dentist! It can be fun!

Advent calendars

Ahh the kids of today, eh? They don't know they're born. When I was a lad we didn't have advent calendars, oh no, we a piece of soggy cardboard and a crayon and we used to write the days til Christmas Day on it as a special treat. My two are looking forward to tomorrow as it's December the first and they can get at the first chocolate hidden cunningly by the number 1 on their advent calendar.

As you can see, the true spirit of Christmas is there with snowmen on snowboards. All the stuff around it is the general weekend accumulation of unnecessary things that fill our lives. The fact that it is there and not tidied away is an indication that Karen is away and I quite like clutter, but more about that another time.

Of course there is a lot to say about Christmas. Here's what Tom Lehrer thought

Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly.
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say when.

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens.
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore.
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense, 'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil.
("Just the thing I need, how nice!")

It doesn't matter how sincere it is,
Nor how heart felt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is the price.

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!

So, let the raucous sleighbells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky.
Don't stand underneath when they fly by.

Potty Time

There are a number of shops appearing around the country which allow you to choose a piece of pottery and then paint them. Stencils are available as are drinks and happy faces. Afterwards they glaze your handiwork and here is some of the finished product:

Communication

Over use of email can be a problem but I think it's about time my eldest, Ryan, started getting into it. He's lucky enough to have a computer in his room now and when the wireless card decides it wants to work he can surf and email. He sent me a message with the subject of "Anything." and changed the priority to it's lowest level. The content was asking me to teach him how to do things on the computer and he signed it Love from Ryan [Your best son!] and wrote it in Times New Roman, Italic, point size 36. Wonderful stuff and I was very pleased to get it even though I was sitting just 10 paces away. He's now started mailing his Grandad as well. More power to his elbow.

Autumn Equipment

Well we're having a fantastic autumn. Really spectacular colours mixed in with some good old fashioned high winds which have blown most of the leaves off now. This also means I can get my power shredder, petrol lawn mower and my most recent acquisition this petrol blower and sucker into action. Here is the blower which makes a great sound.

For those of you who are really into this sort of thing, you'll probably enjoy Reader's Sheds.

Not an answering machine

One of our friends rang a little after 9 this morning. I answered which often gets the question "What are you doing there?", it being a weekday when they apparently expect me to be "at" work, to which I cunningly answer "I live here.". This morning the caller said "Oh, I didn't want to speak to you I wanted to speak to your answering machine". I know when I'm not wanted. Normally I let Nathan (8) answer the phone and he says hello and who's calling etc. but can't remember the answer when he hands the phone to me.

It's War!

I am not a great fan of war and the reasons that they are caused by are an emotive subject. However, there is no denying they have happened or are happening. I mean we went to war with Iraq apparently to get rid of those invisible weapons of mass destruction then that Tony Bliar added the word "Programme" and said we were looking for that. And oh it was really for humanitarian grounds in fact. So that's OK, you just stand there while I shoot you and I will justify my actions later. Moving swiftly on...

Here's a good thing to try: Go to google and type in "french military victories" and then press "I'm feeling lucky". That's about right.

The Imperial War Museum is fab. Here are my two Likely Lads standing besides a 15 inch shell that goes in these 50 foot cannons that were in service 90 years ago.

There was plenty more to see...

I love this shot through sign which says "DO NOT STAND ABOUT HERE. Even if you are not hit somebody else will be".

However cunning our Cabinet Office were during WW1 and WW2, their techniques have not been passed down to the janitors. This piece of semtex razor duct tape didn't worry me - I easily urinated over the top of it. Now, if it had a sign that said No Man's Land that would have been different.

The Spitfire! It's the perfect plane. Glorious!

And it gets better. We can club together and buy one.

Frogs

My two boys (age 8 and 10) haven't learnt to sit on a chair yet which is a bit sad. At the breakfast table they squat like frogs. Fortunately they have short tongues so appear to eat normally. Does anyone else have children with weird sitting positions or I have just pro-created a pair of weirdos?

Baby you can ride my bike

Nathan has been a bit slow and learning to ride mostly because we haven't spent enough time with him. Yesterday he really got the hang of it and looks rather pleased with himself.

Here comes the bride

I like a nice wedding but that Mandy is crazy marrying the Gay Hussar still it takes all sorts. The music was very pleasant (in the Music Room of W S Gilbert's house. I was going to ask them to play Alone Again Naturally and Claire but thought better of it. Especially that last one!)

Do read on:

It is a recent wedding reception custom to put hopeless knick-knacks on the table to amuse the guests when they have finished talking about the Bride and Groom behind their backs - you know, I bet that corset is tight, how many of his ex's are in the congregation (or up the duff) etc.. I am pleased to report that this reception went to new lows with wedding trivia boxes complete with endless spelling mistakes and shite questions. Great stuff!

The food was mountainous:

Unfortunately I only learnt later on that the heart shaped thing I stuck in the top was actually a sparkler as I would have been obliged to set light to it whilst stuck in the largest Yorkshire Pudding seen this side of Geoffrey Boycott's backside. It's also customary to leave disposable cameras around for your guests to take pictures of their private parts and the toilets etc.. The trouble is most people spend all evening snapping and not talking. Maybe they were camera shy and were hiding.

The excitement

is intents. Having been out every day over the weekend we got back at 7pm Monday and the boys announced they wanted to sleep in the tent. It took 30 minutes to put it up which was a pretty poor show. Later on, flashlights were seen as night fell and we could hear everything they said. This included instructions to sleep in the "porch" section of the tent if you blew off. They cam in at 11pm. They tried again last night but gave in even earlier apparently (babysitter thought she had it made).

The Friends Thing

We went to see some friends, Graham and Dianne. in Oxford on Saturday. Their lovely baby Harry is pictured here with Karen, Ryan and Nathan

As usual the BBQ was put into action with just a small incendary device

oooh Suit You Sir!

Funny things these BBQs - we went to one on Monday as well. The food, invariably, is awful. Especially if I'm doing the cooking. At tleast the one on Monday had the decency not to actually use the BBQ but to use the oven instead. You can't be too careful with chicken.

Mud Pies

I spent the afternoon with friends. John and Kerry share the surname of Cooper (as they are married this seems fair). They called their first daughter Verity (centre in pic). Fair enough, not my choice but that's fine. John's a lay preacher and maybe there is aconnection or maybe they just thought it was a nice name. they called their second daughter Alice. She dies her hair and plays rock guitar luckily.

Here Nathan and Verity are part of a mud pie competition that started at 7pm and went on to gone dark, hence the torches. Now when I was a kid we couldn't even afford mud.

Dangerous Breakfasts

According to the news this morning there is a new serial killer on the loose. Nathan is concerned for his Frosties.

BwonJooouurno

Hello

Are you still with me?

We're back from Italy and I may post a few pics and stories soon. Anyway, I missed you all.

Grahame

Just blogging around

Well that's it for a couple of weeks. Its gone 9pm so I have 7 hours to do my email, drink some wine, pack, sleep and the set off to the airport for 2 weeks in Blogfreeland. No computer, no email. Wonderful. I have decided to take along a pen and paper - remember those? The idea is to write some stuff myself about the events of the day or the nonsense in my head and perhaps get my boys to write as well. I'll have my camera with me so it's not a digital free period.

Bye for now.

Motormania

Ryan is car and bike mad and he certainly looks the part whereas I look like a part.

Fairground attraction

The Flushing regatta had swimming races - note the guy who swam underwater and used the buoy as a marker.

There were rowing races

and a few stalls including this delightful classical music box caravan. You should listen to the delightful sound.

Nathan's 8th Birthday Party

Oh bugger! Not more boring family stuff :-(. The kids enjoy ballponds and climbing frames and calling each other names, biting, fighting and so on which is nice. I don't know why food has to be served in cardboard boxes these days though.

On the left is a ballpond ball. On the right is a "prize" that Nathan won at the Battleprom. On the packet it said "Squeeze me and see what happens" which is the sort of thing you expect to see on an Essex Girl's T-Shirt. Hours of Frankie Howerd jokes were had by all - oo err missus.

Karen, Mum and Mum and me.

Battle of the Proms

We went to the Battle of the Proms last night. We're on the rug whilst other people have Gazebos:

and more...

However most people were on the floor like us:

People had net curtains over their triangular tea trolleys (natch). Where do you buy this crap from? Who invents it?

Click on the picture for a larger version (cotpfalv)

There were people in funny hats (it wasn't Ascot though):

Although I did discover members of the Black Dustbin Sack League wearing their outfits when the obligatory thunder and lightning started:

Now I know this could be The Mall what with the bearskin types, the cannons (real - they were used later) and the tourists but it really is Hatfield. What I want to know though is why its says "Beware Cables" and not "Beware bloody live and dangerous Cannons". I guess you might trip and graze your knee as opposed to getting your head blown off.

Click on the picture for a larger version (cotpfalv)

Someone had a decent barbie:

We didn't listen to the early music (note the trainers which were used to mark the crease):

This kid had a massive bogey:

And it all ended spectacularly (minus the fireworks photos which never work):

Click on the picture for a larger version (cotpfalv)

Note the alien with the weird ears/eyes in the foreground and the loser with the flag.

Love without you...

...is like a bee without a flower. There's lots of love going on in my front garden in the lavender. You can't see it on the photo so just take my word for it.

Keeping Mum

My Mum's never been on the Internet before but now she has. Here you go. I've told her she has to come round and do my garden when she's finished. I was inside watching the Grand Prix qualifying and drinking tea and eating toast (that she had made for me) so I was a little busy at the time.

Alright my Sun?

The ozone layer has depleted so much that Criag was only exposed to the sun for 4 hours and this happened to him. He should sue.

Hangman

It's a great game for all generations. Nathan, 7, had thought of a word/name and Ryan suggested the letter "a". Nathan was unsure of the spelling and asked "Are there two "a"s in David Beckham?". The ensuing laughter really upset him, poor little lad.

Short person

Nathan pops up all over the place.

Lonely golfer

Ryan is a chip off the old block.

Ryan & Nathan with Grandad

On our settee in Falmouth. I drive 300 miles and the in-laws still find us.