February 14, 2005
The Big News, As It Happens
As promised, I bring you more gems from the local newspapers. I accept that the last one was six months ago but never mind. Being down in Falmouth I find it easier, or is it essential, to browse the local papers. This little blockbustering minedexploding bit of news which, it should be noted, did not even warrant a full stop at the end of it, is brought to you from the Falmouth and Penryn Packet.
June 07, 2004
Your kneebone is Connected to...
Derek gets several mentions in the Falmouth Packet including this rivetting piece of news:
Whatever next? Old woman buys milk and sends letter?
Local News
This is the Falmouth Packet picture competition (I have assumed). It's not cricket but what is it?
May 16, 2004
Sheep
Local paper top story: Blind ewes take model lessons.
BTW: I love the tag line "50p where sold." If you take one out of shop they'd have trouble prosecuting you I presume.
April 19, 2004
More Big News
Following on the series, here is some more big news from Cornwall. A coffee shop has re-opened. I should stress that these articles are from the West Briton which cover Cornwall and Devon I think. So it's not like it is the local rag covering a few thousand people. Have they nothing better to do? I guess the same could be said about me. Or you.
April 07, 2004
Toilet Terror
Continuing with local news, this was on the front page. It's amazing the excrement we can get ourselves into. In this case the situation is:
* Builders want to build some houses
* Locals want to stop them. They attempt to designate part of the building plot as a village green
* Builders say that, in which case, they can't use the sceptic tanks that are there. Therefore no flushing of loos etc.
They also helpfully add that they can't use them whilst the dispute is being settled. Talk about being in between a rock and a, errm, soft warm brown sticky messy place.
April 04, 2004
Local News
Cointinuing the new Newspapers category and following on from my earlier posting I bring you the following from the Falmouth Packet:
Now I wouldn't want you to think that not much happens down here - in fact the front page story was about the rescue of a drifting yacht - but you do tend to get these non-news stories as well. I wonder what a high pressure hose attachment looks like. Is it anything to do with reinforced incontinence tights? Probably not.
April 01, 2004
From Today's Newspapers
I don't buy newspapers much or read them online. National and International events seem to reach me via TV/Radio etc. so it doesn't worry me much. However, I bought myself a paper today - The Telegraph. You see I will go to any lengths to kill of the readership of this blog (4999 visitors last month. It just couldn't quite get to 5000. Of course I know that 4998 are bots).
I'm off to Cornwall again at the weekend so I thought I'd bring some local news to you as well when I'm there. It's bound to be exciting like the article I read that said that when the grass is wet, the children at school traipse mud into the classrooms. Great stuff.
Today I bring you "Young men are brainwashed, says Muslim leader". No, really? And I thought they just sat alone in a room, considered life the universe and everything very rationally, tied 200lb of semtex to their belts and got on a crowded bus.
There's a superb quote from the Uncle of one of the 8 suspected terrorists that were arrested: "They are just regular guys. They are as British as they come. They don't even have beards.". He should be, ooooh I don't know, a Detective Inspector at least with that line of thinking.
Reminds me of the Billy Connolly joke about Cubans getting free beer, cigars, women etc. because they say they are one of Castro's men. A Scotsman sees this happening and tries it on at the off-licence and the shopkeeper says "You don't look like one of Castros men to me. They have saggy faces, beards and a big cigar sticking out of their mouths". So the Scotsman lifts up his kilt and says "Secret Service". Sorry.