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Best to be Safe than Sorry

Especially after a curry.

Toilet Terror

Continuing with local news, this was on the front page. It's amazing the excrement we can get ourselves into. In this case the situation is:

* Builders want to build some houses
* Locals want to stop them. They attempt to designate part of the building plot as a village green
* Builders say that, in which case, they can't use the sceptic tanks that are there. Therefore no flushing of loos etc.

They also helpfully add that they can't use them whilst the dispute is being settled. Talk about being in between a rock and a, errm, soft warm brown sticky messy place.

Noxious blokes

A trip isn't a trip without a trip to the toilets, don't you agree? The Gents in the Star and Garter, which is about 5 yards from place and serves great beer, has incorrectly got this sign on warning of a "noxious and flammable gas outlet". It should, of course, be on the Ladies Toilet door or Sean the Landlord's mouth. Although it turns out that Sean isn't even the landlord.

It's War!

I am not a great fan of war and the reasons that they are caused by are an emotive subject. However, there is no denying they have happened or are happening. I mean we went to war with Iraq apparently to get rid of those invisible weapons of mass destruction then that Tony Bliar added the word "Programme" and said we were looking for that. And oh it was really for humanitarian grounds in fact. So that's OK, you just stand there while I shoot you and I will justify my actions later. Moving swiftly on...

Here's a good thing to try: Go to google and type in "french military victories" and then press "I'm feeling lucky". That's about right.

The Imperial War Museum is fab. Here are my two Likely Lads standing besides a 15 inch shell that goes in these 50 foot cannons that were in service 90 years ago.

There was plenty more to see...

I love this shot through sign which says "DO NOT STAND ABOUT HERE. Even if you are not hit somebody else will be".

However cunning our Cabinet Office were during WW1 and WW2, their techniques have not been passed down to the janitors. This piece of semtex razor duct tape didn't worry me - I easily urinated over the top of it. Now, if it had a sign that said No Man's Land that would have been different.

The Spitfire! It's the perfect plane. Glorious!

And it gets better. We can club together and buy one.

More toilet trouble

Mens toilets are wonderful places giving no end of entertainment as can be seen earlier. This sign says Please Don't Use which, lets face it, is a pretty all encompassing statement. Don't use for what? Don't use it as a sign? People with pens should really sort their lives out. Actually so should people with penises which is almost the same. I understand there is video evidence of the desecration and forensics will be called in.

Toilet trouble

Luckily for us all these day people put clear signs on things. In the toilet in the local Greek restaurant, The Lantern an establishment which is otherwise pretty low on merit, they have these nice drawings on everything. Notice The Finger is there again to help you identify the part of the photo to look at. Unfortunately there was no sign on the door so I had to wait for the next bloke before being let out.

Wipe that smile

In one of the nice pubs visited I settled down in the loo to have a good old dump (or SACD as we used to call it - Stand Alone Core Dump). During this most essential and enjoyable process I noticed a lack of toilet roll. In fact the gents area was being redecorated and had bare plaster and no fittings. Someone had drwan their own directions of where to put soap dispensers etc. on to the plaster and I only hope the builder follows the directions.

So I stood and looked around and found a roll on top of the cistern. I'm just under 6 foot tall and could only just reach it. It hadn't been used - maybe becuase of the careful placment. Oddly enough it didn't have a hole in the middle (see the first photo). That's why there was no bogroll holder. The ladies' version was equally holeless but had some suspicious brown marks on

Ladies' roll photo by Ilsa.